Back to my cranky, cynical self. What a relief.
This place sucks. I would give a top ten list of reasons why it does, but I'm up to about a hundred right now and it's hard to choose the ten worst.
Lately, I have been rating my bug bites on a sliding scale. Numero Uno is the absolute worst, swollen, red, ugly, mean, no good, low-down bug bite that ever bit a human being, and Numero Dies (whatever) is just a good insect effort to irritate and annoy me. The Numero Dies' usually end up dead because I have learned to outwit them. I turn off all the lights in my room except for my computer screen. Then I KILL the little buggers when they are attracted to the screen. I can type, kill bugs, and scratch, all at the same time.
I have about 100 bites that rate a Numero Uno. I think I may be allergic to those little Satans. Scratching does no good because the bite area swells to a lump the size of a golf ball within about a minute and scratching only irritates it even more. I feel like I'm in a horror movie about to give birth to a hairball with teeth. A hundred little hairballs with teeth running around. Nobody in India would give them a second glance.
Please don't tell me to put on bug spray. Have you ever tried to sleep with bug spray on? It must be comparable to being alive while the mortician is trying to embalm you. This is off the subject, but have you ever had that dream where people think you're dead and you're not really, and they try to embalm you and bury you and you keep trying to get someone's attention, but nobody seems to be listening? No? Well, okay. I've shared too much.
Okay, so I'm cranky. I hate, no DETEST, the food here at the 'dining hall' for reasons I have already mentioned in great detail, (please see The Three Stooges) Someone stole a whole package of my flour tortillas that I was counting on for survival. I know who she is and I know where she lives. Right next door. (Cue horror movie music here). I'm going to get her. Why she took my tortillas and left my horrible homemade spaghetti sauce, I just don't understand. I left a sign on the spaghetti sauce that says, "Please steal me". Nobody will.
Don't get me started on the shower accommodations here. Just don't.
And what in the heck is the MATTER with the power supply???? We have had, count 'em, NINE power outages in the last three hours. I'll bet whoever is in charge of the power grid around here just sits around and flips the power on and off again and gets the giggles thinking about how many people must be in the shower or on the potty in TOTAL blackness. Indians. What a sense of humor.
Later. I'm going to get my tortillas back. During the next power outage.
This place sucks. I would give a top ten list of reasons why it does, but I'm up to about a hundred right now and it's hard to choose the ten worst.
Lately, I have been rating my bug bites on a sliding scale. Numero Uno is the absolute worst, swollen, red, ugly, mean, no good, low-down bug bite that ever bit a human being, and Numero Dies (whatever) is just a good insect effort to irritate and annoy me. The Numero Dies' usually end up dead because I have learned to outwit them. I turn off all the lights in my room except for my computer screen. Then I KILL the little buggers when they are attracted to the screen. I can type, kill bugs, and scratch, all at the same time.
I have about 100 bites that rate a Numero Uno. I think I may be allergic to those little Satans. Scratching does no good because the bite area swells to a lump the size of a golf ball within about a minute and scratching only irritates it even more. I feel like I'm in a horror movie about to give birth to a hairball with teeth. A hundred little hairballs with teeth running around. Nobody in India would give them a second glance.
Please don't tell me to put on bug spray. Have you ever tried to sleep with bug spray on? It must be comparable to being alive while the mortician is trying to embalm you. This is off the subject, but have you ever had that dream where people think you're dead and you're not really, and they try to embalm you and bury you and you keep trying to get someone's attention, but nobody seems to be listening? No? Well, okay. I've shared too much.
Okay, so I'm cranky. I hate, no DETEST, the food here at the 'dining hall' for reasons I have already mentioned in great detail, (please see The Three Stooges) Someone stole a whole package of my flour tortillas that I was counting on for survival. I know who she is and I know where she lives. Right next door. (Cue horror movie music here). I'm going to get her. Why she took my tortillas and left my horrible homemade spaghetti sauce, I just don't understand. I left a sign on the spaghetti sauce that says, "Please steal me". Nobody will.
Don't get me started on the shower accommodations here. Just don't.
And what in the heck is the MATTER with the power supply???? We have had, count 'em, NINE power outages in the last three hours. I'll bet whoever is in charge of the power grid around here just sits around and flips the power on and off again and gets the giggles thinking about how many people must be in the shower or on the potty in TOTAL blackness. Indians. What a sense of humor.
Later. I'm going to get my tortillas back. During the next power outage.
How long until you come home????? I don't know how you are doing this. I am a weak, miserable person who would not have ever attempted what you are doing...you are becoming one of my lifes heroes...take heart...and take back those tortillas...hopefully you have the strength given your lack of nourishment...di
ReplyDeleteSo you are saying giant bug bites are better than bug spray? Just checking....
ReplyDeleteBetter than feeling like you've been embalmed. These bugs are clever. It's impossible to protect yourself against them.
DeleteQuite a change from the last post about falling in love with India and then this place sucks. They say hate and love are not that far apart, both strong emotions. I admire what you are doing and enduring to do it.
ReplyDeleteYes, my attitude changes on a minute by minute schedule. I'm fickle. Ask Mike.
DeleteLiving in India is like life with teenagers. One minute status quo, and the next minute, homicide is tempting.
ReplyDeleteHave you heard of melaleuca or tea tree oil?
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jared. I'll run right down to the Junction and pick some up at the Melaeuca Store. :(
DeleteHey, I am only thinking of your well-being. There is such thing as the mail! Of course, if my sending it to you would put it there well after your demise, then never mind. I will save the postage!
DeleteTry 100% DEET. I only need a few drops for a wilderness survival night in the woods... Then again, Oregonian bugs are tame compared to what Indian bugs sound like.
ReplyDeleteSo, do they not believe in mosquito nets? Or are they called Malaria nets? Or would it do no good because you have to leave your bed during the day? I hate bug bites. Glad to hear you're not too in love with India because I think that means we'll get you back! :)
ReplyDelete